Reason #1 Why Women (Me) Shouldn't Cut the Grass

Because this will most likely be the outcome.

Which is not exactly my fault.

Only half my fault.

It all started on Friday, July 1st when Steve was set out to travel for work in the Middle East for a month. I was left in charge to mow the backyard since our neighbors were going to take care of the front. I have never ever used a lawn mower before and really didn't intend on learning to either however, if I didn't our yard would look like an overgrown field of hay fever. My other option was to hire someone but that seemed ridiculous considering I didn't want to pay someone for something that looked relatively easy. So, Steve taught me the basics: grab the handle, pull the cord and go. Easy enough.

I couldn't get it started on my first twenty tries. And Steve was leaving the next day.

Now what?

See part of the problem is is that I'm to short and my arms aren't long enough to pull the chord. Either that or I'm a weakling. Regardless, how am I going to get this thing started? About a week had past since Steve left and it was clearly time for me to cut the grass. I get the lawn mower out of the shed which is awkward and left the shed door open obscuring any views my neighbors might have in the event I embarrass myself thinking I could actually do this. But low and behold I got it started on the third try! WOOT WOOT! As I mow the lawn I find that I am able to tune out the world and find that I don't mind it. A couple more times of cutting the grass and Steve will be home to take over.

Going back to Steve teaching me the basics, he told me that he was going to fill the gas tank and that I shouldn't have to fill it. This is where things get a little confusing. According to him he told me that I should use the "bigger gas can". All I heard was "gas can". And when this is your first time and 3 weeks had past are you seriously going to remember "bigger"? No you're not. And when the lawn mower runs out of gas you're going to remember that you have to fill it with the contents that are in the "gas can".

Witness exhibit A:

As you can see we have two containers each clearly stating "gasoline". There are no labels on these containers right? Well apparently one has only gas and the other has a gas oil mix. I assure you they both smell like gas. So, can you tell which is what? I didn't think so. And neither could I.

Last week as I am out peacefully beautifying our yard the lawn mower stopped. Thinking that it needed gas I grabbed the smaller gas can and filled it. Proud that I was doing what I supposed to be doing I started the mower up again and it lasted for a few minutes then came to a sudden halt.

Hmmmm...Why isn't it working? The grass must be super wet and it's clogging it up. I'll let it rest a few minutes and start it up again.

I left it in the middle of the yard and played with the kids a bit before trying to start it again. With this particular mower there's a button that you're supposed to push before you start it so that gas can get pumped into the engine. I must have pushed that thing 50 times and for the life of me couldn't get the damn thing to start.

Then it occurred to me.

Oh shit! I think I put oil into the gas tank.

But it totally smelled like gas.

Oh crap!

What do I do now?

Guess I'll put it back into the shed til Steve gets home.

The fact is I did put the mix into the lawn mower. But in my defense who the hell puts two gas cans next to each other and doesn't label the contents! So, you see it's only half my fault!

My father-in-law called me later that evening and told me he was mailing me "Lawn Mower Basics for Dummies" which I am still waiting for. He did tell me to drain the fluid from the mower and eventually fill it with gas.

I'm sorry you want me to do what? And what?

But I did in hopes that I could salvage the thing. And when Steve got home I explained what happened and informed him that he could try and revive it but that he may need to say goodbye. He tried and all he got in response what a few white smoke clouds and it was over.

We would like to introduce Craftsman our new addition and evidently my Christmas, Birthday and New Years gift! And this one starts with a key!

Steve learned his lesson and will be labeling the gas cans. And we will live happily ever after!