This is what I do know: I am blessed in so many ways. I have a wonderful husband who goes to work everyday to provide us with an amazing life. Not to mention the fact that he takes out the garbage, cleans the toilets, prepares the coffee pot every morning, vacuums, and does all the handy work around the house. I know, lucky girl right? I have a healthy little girl who makes me laugh everyday. I love it when I'm in the kitchen and she walks up to me, wraps her arms around my legs and says "hi dada" then gives me that fake cheesy smile. I am also blessed with healthy easy pregnancies.
Then there are my friends. Or should I say about 5 of them who up until today I trusted.
You see, I have to take you back to 1988. I was in 5th grade when the movie Child's Play came out. Growing up I never had dolls or barbies and really didn't have an interest in them. I was more of a Hello Kitty girl. You know that sweet, pretty, innocent looking cat that in no way, shape or form could ever be scary? Now I don't know what made my mom think it was ok for us to watch Child's Play-maybe it was that we had already seen most of the Friday 13th movies or that we had witnessed violence watching WWF (thanks to Grandma who loved it). But I saw Child's Play and it crippled me for life. I now and forever will have a fear of dolls. Any dolls. That includes barbies, Raggedy Ann and Andy and especially the porcelain dolls that open and close their eyes when you lay them down or pick them up. And technology hasn't helped any. There are now baby dolls that cry, pee, and imitate eating. It freaks me out. And truthfully it make me sad for Ayla because the only dolls she'll get will have to be mommy approved. For instance: their heads cannot "pop" off, they for sure cannot be porcelain, their eyes can't blink, crying or really sound in general isn't allowed, etc.
My fear of dolls isn't really funny. When I think about it it all goes back to Chucky. My mind starts working and I imagine them waking up and watching me sleep or talking to Ayla. The mind is powerful and my mind expecially likes to give me anxiety attacks.
So today I went to lunch with a few girlfriends whom I have shared things with. Never would I think that they would use it to their advantage. Especially on my birthday. As we finish our lunch I walk out to my car to find this:
1. Be pissed.
2. Look at this as therapy.
Even though this was a joke and it was never meant to "help" me I'm going to convince myself that this is therapy and try and get over this fear. I know it sound utterly ridiculous to have such an extensive fear of dolls. But I'm 30 now and I really need to get a hold of myself and enjoy all the great things that I have been blessed with.
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